ah 2003.
this one feels raw and exciting and terrifying
and promising all at once.
i experienced the best new year's eve i've ever had (read:no
expectations,
sweat pants, friends, sitting on the ground).
been waking up in the middle of night with a
drive to write which means if i
don't start soon i
will explode (read:the more i've
been holding in the more
i've been feeling depressed, which i at first thought was post-holiday
anti-climatic stuff--which i've
experienced after every tour, every break-up,
and every christmas
etc--post trauma stress disorder haha)--but i now realize
that i feel
depressed because i have so much i
want to say and get out...that
i've been holding all this in and that it's making
me sick...
so for the love of god write and get it out
and save some doctor's bills...
the usual fear of success fear of banality
fear of having too much to say to
even know where to begin...
sometimes there are so many options that it's so
overwhelming that i stop
paralyzed in my tracks!!
none of these fears mean much right now
because i am pregnant with thoughts
and revelations and empathy and a passion to
get it all down...(what form,
who knows who cares, music, photos, words on
paper...anything is good).
so what do i wish
for you....
i wish..
the opportunity to speak your truth (whether
you're heard or not, but i wish
for you to be heard at least once, in a big
way, to know how that feels)...
to walk at the pace that feels good for you
(curling up in a ball counts)
the opportunity to live your day to day life
the way you would love to see
the rest of the world live...
that you know who your resources are and that
you turn to them when you need
some help and that you have the courage to
reach out
i wish you humor in everything, no matter
how serious it is...
i wish you awareness of your connection to
everything, no matter how disconnected we all may feel from each other
i wish you love for all parts of yourself,
including the parts that you think are utterly unloveable.
i wish you endless expression in whatever
form, whether it's in how you dress or how you speak or how you cut your
vegetables
i wish you freedom from any box or
construct that doesn't encourage life in you
i wish you courage to set your boundaries
with clarity and love
i wish you allergy-free white kittens and
pillows to fall into when you are despondent and spent and lost
i wish you faith in the moments where it
seems stupid and foolish to have it
i wish you moments of blissful solitude and
yummy community and safe intimacy in the doses that feel best
i wish you moments of feeling like a
student, equal and teacher..all
roles spent with you in your power..
i wish you gratitude for all that you have
and boot strap up-pulling for when you want to move forward into entirely
unknown territory, for that is where i believe
liberation and growth is most often found...
i wish this for you.
and i wish this for
me.
and i send you love
throughout 2003
i'm with you and i'll
be right here....living and stretching and resting alongside of you.
connect soon,
love you,
alanis